Sunday, December 31, 2006
It's now the last day of year 2006. I guess I'd post a long post looking back on some things I've learnt this year.
I've always tried living a life without regrets, but unfortunately, that is almost impossible. I've realised that what I mostly regret are not things that I do, but things that I did not do. Things like small gestures of love that did not happen due to my pride, cowardice, or whatever weakness of mine. I'm trying now, but it may be too late.
My recent experience of getting really drunk was also an important lesson. Alcohol really has the potential to bring out the deepest and darkest sides of you. I guess I'm scared off alcohol for the time-being. Like fire, it can be a good servant, helping you to relax and forget about your troubles for a while, but a bad master if you overdo it. Then again, alcohol to forget one's troubles is a coward's way out of things, and my apparent cowardice is something I really want to change, so I guess whatever alcohol I may consume in the future must only be for leisure.
Reflecting on some things I've done, I've also realised that I've lost much of my pride. In the past, I was arrogant and proud, situations like when someone I liked annoyed me, I could have told her to f*ck off. But now, it seems like I'm always giving in, afraid of voicing out my discontent, if any. I've become someone who doesn't expect anything at all, for fear of getting hurt when expectations are never met. Is this a good or bad thing? I hope no one calls me chauvinistic, but as a man I feel that you need to retain some pride. There really needs to be a balance between giving in, and standing your ground. A subservient man is definitely not attractive, so I guess I should change a little. I still want a little pride back.
My stubbornness is probably another point I would like to change. I don't know if my stubbornness contributed to my affection for her for almost three years already now, but then again love has really no reason. Take out my stubbornness and I'd probably still have the same feelings for her. Back to the point of my stubbornness, I guess I should be more flexible at times. Many a time I've upset my parents mostly because of that, and as a filial son that's not what I should be doing.
And of course, one very important thing I learnt was to play
mahjong.
I guess I'll move on to what I hope for next year.
I hope I'd get to play more football. You can't deny that everyone's losing interest in playing. Times when I have to call players and only to hear that they were still sleeping really pisses the sh*t out of me. Yeah, I am late at times, but at least I make the effort to wake up, and I'm late probably because I was stuck in the toilet. More effort is what I hope to see, there's really not much time for us to play together anymore. I use the word hope because I know I can't force everyone to have the same passion to play football as me.
I hope that my second year of school passes by quickly. Honestly, this year of school totally sucked, because I really do not have any interest in engineering, and subjects delving into the complexities of it only serves to increase that dislike. At least next semester it'd be mostly on computers, something I've been using since I was like five or six. Sigh. The thought of school only makes me remember the nine damn weeks of "Industrial Training" that we're all forced to go through. I swear that you can find any job paying better than the two dollars an hour we'll probably get. The worst part of it is that we have no holidays and it falls during my birthday, which then again hasn't really been special for years.
I hope I can maintain, or even improve on the level of discipline in terms of my fitness. As expected, I've barely trained during the festive seasons. I can still do pull-ups and run for hours and stuff, but it sure feels guilty not to train.
I hope I'd get some hope. After all, they say that the greatest thing in life is to love and be loved in return, and I know in the almost three years I've been really bad at the loving part, but still, I wish for hope. Hope that it'll one day be reciprocated, because like what they said in the movie "City of Angels", I just don't understand how God would let us meet, if there is no way for us to be together.
I guess that's about it. It was almost a totally rotten year this year but it was saved by a few moments. I would rather have three minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
So, Godspeed to all in the coming year, may there be peace on Earth and I get sexier!
Walk closer;
You're far enough.
[ jason ] | 2:02 am |
