Monday, July 31, 2006
Everytime I walk along the stretch of walkway along my house, I feel a longing for the familiar sight of Lucky prancing around and following me.Everytime I see another labrador retriever, I see my own dog.
Sigh. I guess I really miss him. I do hope he's fine in doggy heaven.
I hope I don't fall sick. Those bloody exams are coming and I don't feel very well.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Sorry about the choice of music. I'd love to put "Ode to Joy" (I swear everyone must have heard it before.), but right now it's really tough to do so. Maybe when my leg's fine. And yeah, I'm finally sick of love songs.Anyway, Adagio for Strings is a really famous piece of music, so just enjoy it for now. You've probably heard it, but just do not know it.
I need to do a survey for some psychology thingy I have. Read the below story and comment on what should the guy do next. (Press Ctrl and + if you feel the font is too small.)
_____
I knew that voice was hers. Why would he tell me otherwise? Was he mocking me, telling me that he was with the one I adored so much right now? I swear, that sounded like her.
---
He came to my place later. By a stroke of luck (or misfortune), I saw their pictures. He admitted that it was indeed her on the phone just now, and not who he claimed it was. Shocked at a friend's lies. Disappointed that she had deceived me. Heart-broken, just because.
---
I felt as if a deluge of hurt had hit me right smack on the heart. He told me that she still liked him, when I thought otherwise all along. This cold March night, I wish never to repeat.
And Barcelona's match against Chelsea that night was supposed to make me happy. I wasn't watching football. I was watching myself slowly dying inside.
---
Our communications began to cease gradually. It was torturous thinking of her every day. What made me hold on, was it my written promise of "From this moment to that moment, and for all the moments to come, I will love you with my heart.", given to her on her birthday? I decided that I'll just be there for her when she needs me, holding on to whatever faint hopes left.
---
It was a few months later when I heard her voice on the phone again. This time round, it was because of her problems with another guy, someone whom I've viewed as a jerk unworthy of her love because of his actions. She thought otherwise. She liked him. That was enough reason for me. If she felt that she was to be happy with him, I had to encourage her to patch things up.
Every word I said that night betrayed my heart.
---
Our communications ceased again from then. I never picked up the courage to talk to her much anymore. Not at the times I saw her on the way home, even though it seems that fate plays me by making me see her so often then. Not at that time she called out to me when I passed by that drinks store.
I became a coward.
---
What am I to do? I don't blame her for liking him, because her persistance is just a mirror of mine. But is my useless persistance enough for anything? Is sitting down, knowing that I still feel for her, and not doing anything count for anything in this world? Was everything I had done, the hours I've spent talking to her, trying to make her nights less lonely, the hundreds upon hundreds of words dedicated to her, the whole heart of mine given to her, all unworthy of remembrance?
This boy's heart dies a little upon every thought of her now.
_____
So basically, this loser of a protagonist here has liked this girl for a long time, but ends up being still a loser no matter how hard he tries not to. Eventually, he loses every bit of his self-confidence.
So here, I'm actually doing a study on people losing their self-confidence due to their inability to let go. So, my dear readers, please leave whatever comments you have. (Click on the "Comment" link.) Thank you.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I tried to play today.I dreamt of you again.
It hurts so much when
It hurts so much when,
I can't outrun people.
The only times you're beside me,
I can't control a ball.
Seems to pass so quickly and easily,
I can't shoot a ball.
My reverie ruined by the morning sun.
My ankle almost giving way again.
I wish I could dream forever.
Can't you just recover faster? Living such a sedentary life is depressing. I can almost feel my touches, my technique, everything I learnt to do with a ball going away every second I'm resting. Do you really want to make me have to gain my place in the team again? I can do so, but don't you think it's unnecessary?
Please stop hurting. Please stop making me limp. I'm sick of it.
Don't you know that football is the only thing I can live for now?
Other than the chance of seeing your smile...
The slower you recover, the more I would be desperate to train and play, the more chances that you and I would be hurt.
So stop making life difficult for the both of us, and recover already bloody hell.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Will You Love Me Tomorrow is probably one of my favourite songs. It's something everyone in love wants to know. This song questions the fragility and fickleness of what people deem "love".This song was first released by The Shirelles in 1960. Many other artistes have covered this song though.
Tonight you're mine completely,
You give your love so sweetly,
Tonight, the light of love is in your eyes,
But will you love me tomorrow?
Is this a lasting treasure,
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Tonight with words unspoken,
You say that I'm the only one.
But will my heart be broken,
When the night meets the morning sun?
I'd like to know that your love
Is a love I can be sure of
So tell me now and I wont ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
See the insecure protagonist of the song? Don't all of you people in love feel the same way sometimes? No matter how deep the trust between a couple is, everyone wants to know that the love they seek is a love they can be sure of.
Tomorrow; Tomorrow's tomorrow; And so on, will the one you love still love you? Will you still love the one you love?
Here's a really, really old video of The Shirelle's version of the song. A more modern version that most people today would enjoy would probably be Carole King's version (Click to hear).
Fallacious in love I detest to be; How unfortunate fallacious is my second name.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Not been a very good week, has it?I don't need to mention the ankle. I finally got back my first team place after months of absence which probably led to a demotion. In a more preferred left wing role, no less. But the ankle... I have no idea how long it'll take to heal.
My contacts somehow don't last for more than 2 hours each day. Are my eyes so devoid of tears?
Tons of reports are due next week and I've not started anything and do not know how to start.
And.
Instead of opening my MSN Messenger window every few minutes looking at your contact without doing anything, I wish I had the courage to talk to you. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm so selfish. I said I'd still be there for ever and ever but there's still this fear of getting hurt.
If I could define myself now, I would use this one word: "Pathetic".
Fug.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I guess when the chips are down, the only ones you can really turn to is your family. My foot worsened today and I could really barely walk. I had to rely so much on my dad, mother and brother. My mum even had to support me while I was walking. Haha.Went to see a better chiropractor today. I was duped yesterday when that guy just pulled my leg twice and proceeded to apply some ointment and charge $36. Let's say today was a really painful day.
But I won't regret playing my opponents. I won't regret it even if they want to stomp on my foot, push me, kick me, whatever. I'll just get up and humilate the sh*t out of them even more. Bloody hell.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Sorry guys. I have no idea why my ankle chose to give way at that moment.
Sigh. Maybe if I had not been so stubborn to believe that I could still play on, you guys would probably not be almost like a man down.
I'm so sorry that I let you all down at such a crucial moment. The semi-finals were so near, yet so far.
Friday, July 14, 2006
What ever went wrong?It is often I wonder,
Could it could have been?
Evening waitings,
For angelic voice I longed,
Slowly came to nought.
Like salt to my wound,
Some cruel imitations,
Came on lonesome nights.
Know eventually,
The tenderness felt from you,
May never encore.
Still I think of you,
On most desolate twilights,
Impossible dreams.
Yeah. This is just some haiku I thought up of for fun I guess. In a nutshell haiku is a seventeen-syllable verse form, arranged in three lines of five, seven and five syllables, without needing to rhyme.
I really should be sleeping instead. =\ Let the blonde jokes begin.
Monday, July 10, 2006
If this documentary's true, then I'm truly disappointed with some people of my country.Loose Change 2nd Edition. It's around an hour and twenty minutes.
FORZA ITALIA!
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Kneeing another player's back. Studs up challenge on a player's head. Literally hugging your opponent to prevent him from running. Okay, credit to the referee for giving a foul for the second offence, but I felt that that deserved a card. But what about the other two? It was really ridiculous refereeing that partly costed us the match. How the hell do you miss another player kneeing another player's back when almost everyone saw it? How in the world did you allow play to continue when the said player was down?My teammate flared up over the matter and started cursing the referee. Pretty common among footballers and he was promptly shown a red card. Did the referee have to respond back with more vulgarities and also threatening to fight with my teammate? My teammate was already restrained. Do you see referees fighting with players? Do you see referee's cursing players?
I hate it when referees judge players. He said to my teammate, "I've seen you play in other matches so I know how you are." What the hell? I'm sure that was how Rooney got sent off too, because of his bad reputation. My teammate may have a bad reputation for being a hot-head, but a referee should be unbiased in all his decisions and not base them on past incidents.
It really sucks to be running your hearts out and then losing pretty much due to the goalkeeper letting in all the unnecessary goals. Credit to him for trying his best, but everyone still feels sore that our keeper did not handle a clearance from the opponent and let it slip into goal. He also slipped handling another ball which led to us conceding the second goal, but it should be attributed to the bad pitch as I think he twisted his knee very badly from that fall.
Yeah. A teammate sent off and our keeper injured. We practically played with 9 men against 11 for parts of the second half.
If only our keeper was more alert.
If only I struck my bicycle kick harder and the keeper would have probably not been able to tip it over.
If only our teammate did not get sent off.
If only the referee wasn't as retarded.
If only we took our chances better.
Sigh. There can be many more reasons but I'm really tired. If we had won instead of losing 2-1 unnecessarily, we would have probably won the league already. Now we just have to play harder, much harder.
I really need to learn that there's a limit for everything. I'm not going to scrape through having 4 hours of sleep, being ill, barely eating anything and playing so much football. Then again, if I can survive this torture, I can probably overcome most fitness barriers. Guys, I'm sorry about losing my temper just now. It was just that I trusted everyone to play out and thus became the keeper for majority of the time, but you all made really simple mistakes that should really have been avoided. I guess I just reacted a little too much.
But our efforts after that were really commendable. Let's try to win the 5-a-side next week if we're playing. I'm sure everyone likes some spare cash. (:
Thursday, July 06, 2006
What a girl told a guyIf you see me walking the road with someone else it's not because I like his company.
It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time it's not because he pleases me.
It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat.
If you feel me falling with someone new it's not because I love him.
Because you're not there to catch me fall.
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere.
I too don't know where the road is going.
Are we gonna cross each other's path,
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had,
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk with him,
It's you I want to walk with.
Don't let me talk of him,
It's you I want to talk with.
Don't let me fall for him,
It's you I want to fall in love with.
The guy's reply
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you,
I was behind you every step of the way,
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me.
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat,
I didn't want to assume anything,
And I was afraid to lose our friendship.
When you thought I wasn't there to catch you,
It was because you never gave me the chance.
You never reached the bottom,
you've already grabbed a branch.
If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost.
I too don't know where the road is going,
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had,
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk alone,
I want to walk by your side.
Don't let me talk of something else,
It's you I want to talk with.
Don't let me fall for someone else,
It's you I want to fall in love with.
It's you I want to talk with; it's you I want to fall in love with. Sigh. Birds are so stupid. No wonder we call stupid people bird-brained. This bird, a sparrow I think, flew into the second storey of my house. I was walking up the stairs when I saw something on the floor, and was rather alarmed when it suddenly flew up. Me and my brother then went up to the third floor trying to open windows so that it would fly out. With every window opened, the best it could do was to keep flying into the walls and doors. I was worried it would kill itself that way. In the end after like twenty minutes of it banging walls we had to catch it and release it at the balcony. Even so, it seemed reluctant to fly away until it was given a prod with a finger. Dumb bird.
I'm so tired from watching all the matches. Skipped pretty much of school today, would have stayed at home the whole day if I did not have a practical test. Sleeping two to three hours a day really doesn't help my flu. Hopefully I recover by my matches.
Here's a special... An interview with my blog.
-----------------------------------
Question: Hello, and thank you for accepting our interview. As many interviews start out, we would like to know your origins. When were you born and why?
Blog: Looking at my oldest archives, it was probably on the 29th of July, 2004. I guess it's 23 more days to my second birthday! I guess I was born because my owner needed a space to vent his frustrations, feelings and sometimes, creativity.
Question: I see. Can you describe more about yourself?
Blog: Is there really much to say about myself? Haha. I'm just a typical blog with a minimalistic template. My owner likes minimalistic themes you see.
The music I'm playing often reflects the feelings of my owner, which unfortunately is mostly loneliness and sadness. The music playing at the moment, Just When I'd Given Up Dreaming by Ronan Keating, doesn't really reflect how he feels right now. I think he just finds the lyrics meaningful.
There's also a tag-board and many other information on my owner. You may also notice a "random facts about me" part on me. True or not, I won't comment. Heh. If you didn't know, refreshing me will show a new fact.
Question: You seem to know your owner well. How would you describe him?
Blog: He's rather weird in a sense that he's really, really erratic with his posts. He can go for long spells of time without posting or caring about me sometimes, and it's rather sad I know. But if he's inspired or agitated, he can blog for hours, often into the next morning. He's done that recently during his exams, spending time on me instead of studying. I don't know if I should be flattered or worry for him.
He's also a perfectionist with certain things. For instance my template, he took a really long time to make it look as perfect as possible. He also tries to make his posts grammatically-perfect. Unfortunately, his perfectionism doesn't extend to his studies...
Question: Seems interesting. Any idea how he feels right now?
Blog: Well, apart from his almost constant feel of loneliness, he's probably rather disappointed with his luck. His PSP had to have the only group of motherboards in the world to be not able to downgrade to a lower version to extend the functions of it. Yeah. An older version of a PSP has much more functionability. Sony just blows, don't they?
Apart from that, I think he's rather stressed and disappointed over his results, even though he knew that he didn't study. I guess it always happens to him during exam periods. His luck just doesn't hold out during such periods.
Question: That PSP thing is a really minor thing to be upset about isn't it? On to the next question, what do you think is the most riveting post on you?
Blog: Maybe that PSP thing is rather minor, but you have to understand how he feels. You would feel really unlucky when you are one of the minority of PSP owners that have that cursed motherboard.
For the most riveting post on me, Hmm... It's really difficult to say. You just have to look through his archives slowly. But I would recommend this post where he finally repents over his old ways. It was because of this that led to what he is today, lonely and unconfident. Seems like he's really afraid of hurting anyone anymore.
Question: That's really sad for him. Before we end this interview, we have one last question for you. Which posts would you recommend to readers?
Blog: I would have to direct you to the archives again. There are a few hundred posts and I really can't recommend anything. But if you knew him pretty well or something, you should read his shout-outs entitled "zhss shoutouts" on the left of me if you have not.
Question: Thank you for the interview!
Blog: You're very welcome. (:
Sunday, July 02, 2006
REAL Street Magic.Saturday, July 01, 2006
If it's indeed the wrong guy I would apologise, but you saw the chat log and he stated his class and school. And the last time I checked, there's only one Jason Ho in the class and school he stated.It's not really my fault if someone was impersonating him, but I would still apologise if I got the wrong person. But please, if you did it, just admit it even though I would lose all respect for you. However, if I really got the wrong person, I sincerely apologise.
EDIT: Seems like there are two Jasons in that class and I got the wrong one. I sincerely apologise and hope you understand my plight and anger at your classmate's arrogance and bad attitude.
