Saturday, December 31, 2005
My year always ends with me being in pretty much a heartbroken state. For the past four years, it has been like this. 2001, with my confession to MF which led to our friendship going downhill. In 2002 it was pretty much the same girl. That year, I was still gutless and useless as usual. In 2003 it would be JS. Fell too fast and got hurt too. 2004 was the same girl too. That time round, there was someone else I guess. I don't blame them for all that, it's pretty much my own fault for being useless.I don't know about this year though. As much as I would love to spend New Year's Eve with someone even more special than my friends (whom I'm probably spending the eve with later), it ain't happening. So much for hoping that the first person I'd see in the new year would be somebody significant. But I won't say if I'm heartbroken or not. Because I don't know if I should be.
In many aspects of my life, I feel that I've wasted this year. In studies, I've pretty much learnt nothing from my stint in CJC and also in SP. In fitness, I guess I could have done better even though I've improved a lot I guess. In sports, I've really lost touch in football. I really wonder sometimes what I've been doing this year. I guess it's sleeping.
Love? I can safely say I've only liked one person this year, and well, it's going no where as usual I guess. Still, it's okay because I'm used to being useless in this kinda stuffs.
So, here's my wishlist for 2006!
1) World peace.
2) People I love to be happy, with or without me.
3) Touch someone's heart.
4) Get my abs more toned and defined.
5) Get back my touch.
6) Stay happy I guess.
7) Get my health back.
8) Be less of an asshole.
9) Scrape through the school year with A's without much studying. (I said wishlist, not resolution.)
10) Not waste the year again!
Well, here's to an excellent 2006. Free of war, poverty, diseases, tradegy.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Something very amazing happened to me today.I got freaked out and lost control of everything and ran out of a room screaming expletives. All thanks to an animation that plays halfway and then a scary face appears. I think most of you would know what I mean, I've actually seen many of these things without being scared.
I don't know why. People who know me know that I'm not the least scared by horror movies or those kinda stuff. I guess this time round it was either really scary, or I was in such a pathetic state of mind.
Anyway, if you want to try, the link to the animation is here. The face appears when the reversed version of "Jingle Bells" is about three quarters done playing. I won't be held responsible for anything adverse happening to you though. I wasn't walking straight for a while after I got scared. It must have been really something to scare me this much. =
Or maybe I was just weak.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
My whole body is full of cuts from the sand. My leg had lots of cuts and it was covered in sand and Daniel tried to clean it off for me using his slippers. Imagine hundreds of sand grains rubbing against your wounds.There was pretty much no sun for the most of the day, they were setting up for the New Year's Eve countdown party on Sentosa. So there wasn't much space to play. It even rained. Pretty much suckish conditions to go to the beach.
Still being in the company of people you love made it such a beautiful day. I love you guys! Really miss the feeling of being in my Secondary school days.
What's that called? I think Ultimate Frisbee or something. It was really fun. A big thank you to my ex-CJC classmates I met at Sentosa for teaching us too!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
I can't study during these festivities.Thanks a lot you intelligent people at the school of engineering at Singapore Polytechnic for putting tests right smack after Christmas and the New Year.
I think everyone's forcing themselves to study, or maybe they have just given up.
Oh when I need you,
You're almost here,
And I know that's not enough.
And when I'm with you,
I'm close to tears,
'Cause you're only almost here.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas to all! I just got home and here I am wishing everyone. I'm so nice.
Here's to peace on Earth. Of course, I don't drink because I'm so nice.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Went out with my primary school classmates yesterday evening. It's been 5 years since I've seen some of them. Some people change, while some never do. It's so interesting.Anyway, I guess I'm done with my Christmas shopping for this year. Now I'm gonna play Santa Claus and give out gifts. =
I believe there's a song for everyone out there in this world, that's why I always post song lyrics here. A song can pretty much describe a lot for a person.
What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue
When your feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I'd cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
because I love you so
If my sky should fall
Would you even call
I've opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball
When I look in your eyes
I can feel butterflies
I will love you when you're blue
But tell me darling true
What am I to you
When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
But could you find the love in me
Would you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies
I will love you when you're blue
But tell me darling true
What am I to you
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
There is no combination of wordsI could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together
It's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together
And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now
Sunday, December 18, 2005
You think that I don't even meanA single word I say
It's only words and words are all I have
To take your heart away
Friday, December 16, 2005
You know what's life?Life is skipping school and going to the swimming pool to chill out!
Hope I got my tan back today. I was forced to avoid the sun for a while because of my bloody skin problems. No sun to kill the pimple-causing bacteria and I didn't use facial cleansers for a while. My face was white and scar-ry which made me uglier than usual. =(. Really hope I did get my tan back.. at least I guess the pimples are clearing.
Can't believe Christmas is coming again. Last-minute shopping again.. Somehow it's only 9 more days to it!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Been bored with nothing to do the past few days. When you have nothing to do, you start to think. A lot. So here's a list of 5 dumbest things Jason ever did that concerned the opposite sex.In no particular order (yeah right.),
5. Giving wake up calls, part I.
This doesn't sound very dumb right? But it's dumb when I wake up at weird hours like 4 in the morning when I have school in like 3 hours just to wake up a member of the opposite sex that I fancied at that moment of time. It's even dumber when she goes back to sleep almost immediately.
4. Sunrise, beautiful sunrise.
Ohhhh it sure sounds romantic. Watching the sunrise with someone you fancy. Sure it was, but it was sure not very clever of me to do so when I had not have slept for two days and was probably running a high fever. And I still stayed up the whole night and morning to watch that sunrise. Reallllllly brilliant.
3. Giving wake-up calls, part II.
What could have been worse, you may ask. Well, once I called another member of the opposite sex that I fancied at another point of time for an hour. An hour? Because there was a paper the next morning and she wanted to wake up to study for it. So, being the responsible idiot I am, I kept calling. For one hour. Turns out she left her phone in silent mode and I screwed up the paper the next day due to my exhaustion and lack of studying.
2. Crawling the streets of Geylang at the wee hours.
Right.. So we got lost. I told her we should take a cab. But she insisted that we find the bus-stop. So yeah, walked the streets of unsafe Geylang at the wee hours. I could have just dumped her there and took a cab home. But being the responsible idiot, as aforementioned, I walked with her until we found the correct bus-stop (God knows how long it took? I can't be bothered to remember.) and waited for her bus, did I not? Then I took another bus back home, when I actually wasn't sure if it stopped at my place. Luckily it did, and I got home to pissed off parents. Why? I turned off my mobile phone because I knew it would take a while to find that fricking bus-stop because that person didn't want to take a cab for reasons I cannot fanthom. Money? We were lost and at an inappropriate time at a pretty unsafe area. In our uniforms. I don't think so. Well, they say men will never understand the workings of a women's mind. So there. To top it off, it was on my sweet sixteenth birthday.
1. Drawing.
Ah yes.. Drawing. The greatest bane to my existence for 2 years. I hated art with a vengeance for that 2 years in my life (Secondary 1 and 2). I swore not to touch that brush again. I swore never to draw again. Ok, it was stupid, but get this. After getting her angry with me for some stupid and petty reason which I can never remember (And did I mention stupid and petty?), I decided to draw a portrait of her, from some picture on my computer. So, with my tests looming the next day, I spent the whole night and and the next morning attempting to draw. Yes, the whole night and the next morning. Because I totally sucked at drawing. Ok, so I managed to do a decent job (By my standards, of course.) after only about eight hours. So then I mailed it to her. She never received it because she gave me the wrong address to mail it to. And that being my first few times sending letters by snail mail, I did not write my return address. So you know, it sort of got lost in the mail. My hours of effort were down the drain, just like that. Because of a missing zero in the address. Obviously, I flunked my test the next day.
To conclude:
That's why I am wary of the opposite sex today. I can never truly understand the workings of their minds.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I need more sleep. Breakouts are happening. Next week's finally the long awaited break!Friday, December 09, 2005
What do I get for pushing myself so hard... The fats in my lower stomach never ever seem to be able to go off. I feel like dying now after running 2km and then doing 4x200m sprints up the steepest slope in my estate and a 400m run up it, because I know I've actually been ill for a long time and that I sleep less than 6 hours daily. I guess I was lucky that I didn't die or something. I really shouldn't push myself like this next time..Maybe I'm just too eager to get back my touch in soccer and my abs that I neglect my own health. Maybe I should just wait for my sort of chronic cold to get away and everything will come back..
Well, sleep is really precious now especially since I get so little of it at night. The short train ride home from Outram to Serangoon, waiting to get my hair cut, I just doze off. Can't wait for the break to rejuvenate myself.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Put your head against my life,What do you hear?
A million words just trying to make,
The love song of the year.
Close your eyes but don't forget what you have heard,
A man who's trying to say three words,
The words that make me scared.
A million love songs later,
And here I am trying to tell you that I care.
A million love songs later and here I am.
Looking to the future now,
This is what I see.
A million chances pass me by,
A million chances to hold you,
Take me back, take me back,
To where I used to be,
To hide away from all my truth,
Through the light I see.
A million love songs later,
And here I am trying to tell you that I care.
A million love songs later and here I am...
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
My first love is like a stranger to me now.They say form is temporary, class is permanent. Obviously I lack class. I don't get why people asked if I was a national player that day just because I showed one or two good touches and they couldn't get the ball off me. Damn, for me I want my every touch to be perfect, and if they can't get the ball off me when I'm this out of touch they obviously suck.
I am losing the hunger to win. I lack motivation and inspiration.
Maybe these are just excuses. I guess I just suck nowadays.
I hope one day I can play to potential again.. It has been ages.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
It's the beginning of a new month.Don't you break my heart slow.
