but every superman has his kryptonite.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Match is postponed.

[ jason ] | 9:52 pm |

Sunday, October 30, 2005

I guess it was insensitive of me to post that "5 dumbest things I did to a member of the opposite sex" post a few days ago. Didn't realise it would still be considered offensive after so long.

I guess it's just karma and retribution that I end up in situations like today because I do stupid things like that post.

And it's even sadder because if my readers understood me better, the reason I even used the word "dumb" was because people do the dumbest and most romantic things out of love. Well, I won't elaborate, so go figure.

To those hurt by that entry, I apologise. Seriously, it wasn't only based on 1 person even if you think it was. Calling me a fucking jerk or a hopeless romantic really depends on one's interpretation of that post.

[ jason ] | 1:41 am |

I'm sorry for me buggin' you
Sorry for being such a fool
God knows I've tried but I can't let go
I'm crazy 'bout you know who
I'm sorry for me needing you
Sorry girl that you don't feel it too
I get the point, should be a man about it
I've never been good at that - no no
Forgive me for being me
I've tried to let go

I really don't know about anything anymore..

[ jason ] | 12:50 am |

Saturday, October 29, 2005

The thought of school starting makes me sick. It is that bad.. SP is really boring and shitty.

At least I guess we ended our holidays with a bang staying over at Qilin's place. I was dying from my cold and downed 4 pills of Panadol for colds/flus when we went for supper at around 2 in the morning. Of course I was too stoned and dying to eat anything, but thankfully my cold went away soon after. And thankfully I did not die from taking 4 pills at a go. I was literally dying.

Guess we sort of relived our childhoods at the playground. Started playing on the swings and some spinning thingy. Poor residents there. It was really fun though. I think getting high on that spinning thingy is better than drinking, which actually rarely or never gets me high. Haha. Of course I am a good boy and don't drink that much.

After that we sneaked to the pool only to be found out by that pesky guard. It was really scary though. Imagine looking inside a window and then seeing someone who looks red because of the lighting. Yeah. I swear he was red-looking. We bailed out of there before he could come catch us.

After that nothing really interesting happened.. Most of them went to sleep. I guess I slept the latest.. Only really sleeping at around 2-3 in the afternoon. To think I was so sick.

I think I need more sleep now though.

[ jason ] | 7:22 pm |

Friday, October 28, 2005

I think I'm suffering from chronic tiredness and boredom. Updated my profile on Friendster again. You can view it here. Other than that there's nothing much to add, except maybe the holidays are ending and it sucks bad. Damn SP. I miss Zhonghua badly again. Sometimes I can't believe that I've already left the school for a year already and that the batch after us has also graduated..

I don't really wanna grow up..

[ jason ] | 12:58 am |

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't good at reading lives and events. Sometimes I wish that I won't know what's probably gonna happen next, so that my life is much more spontaneous and I get the blind courage to do much more. Unfortunately, life is predictable to me. Still.. I wish things I think are going to happen won't. So that I can tell myself, you suck at predicting future events, so stop and go in for every opportunity you see.

But of course, that skill helps for football. I guess I can read games and passes okay, just that if I was faster it'll be great. Well.. I hope the frequent street soccer games will help develop that ability.

Think there's a match next week. Somehow I feel that our team (not Salem Fire) is unbalanced so I guess I'll be playing in central defence. I'm just not confident about the discipline and shape of the back few. And once in a while I guess I'd like to see my players go up and attack without worrying too much about back there. So don't worry Daniel or Jun Zhang. I'll try my best to get a keeper and play you guys where you can attack. But if there are no goals don't blame me.. Haha. I don't fancy defending but if there's a need for me to do so, I will.

I really like the new song I put up.. Visions of a Sunset. But after listening a few times he sounds like he's going off-key badly? But still, the words are pretty meaningful.

Shawn Stockman - Visions of a Sunset

Lived all my days
Trying to embrace
Life with my heart by
All the beauty I feel and create
It spins and moves
Flows at my pace
Telling its story
From the tear running down my face

Visions of a sunset
Just appear when I close my eyes
Takes my closer to heaven
When the flute starts to fly
And the violin cries

Confusion leaves
While peace orchestrates
Runs through my veins and in other
Seekers it penetrates
My reason why the big city air smells so sweet
Takes me through journeys in time from my youth
To as far as I can see

It's all I need in my life
It's all I need and no one
Can take your place by my side
You're all inside of me

We'll free from all sorrow
Like the wind blows from the sky
Takes me closer to heaven
When the flute starts to fly

[ jason ] | 5:07 pm |

Friday, October 21, 2005

Oh shit. Who are these fucking retards who set our timetables? There's a break from 12 to 3 in the afternoon on a Friday. Furthermore, there's a half-hour lesson on Saturday morning at 8.

All I can say is, thank you whoever the fucker is for making me skip those lessons. Just frigging change everything to the 2-hour break on Thursday or something, rather than making us go (or not go, for the matter) to 1 hour or half hour lessons on a weekend.

Don't these assholes have any idea of a student's mentality?

Sorry for being so crude, but put yourselves into my shoes. A FRIDAY IS BAD ENOUGH.. AND THEY RUIN MY SATURDAY TOO?

Trust us to appeal.

[ jason ] | 10:55 pm |

Out to no one in particular.

You give your hand to me,
And then you say hello,
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell,
You think you know me well,
But you don't know me.

No, you don't know the one,
Who dreams of you at night,
And longs to kiss your lips,
And longs to hold you tight.
To you I'm just a friend,
That's all I've ever been,
No, you don't know me.

I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by,
A chance that you might love me too.

Say your lines,
But do you feel them,
Do you mean what you say when theres no one around watching you watching me?

I've always been in love with you,
You took my love for granted.
Why oh why?
The show is over,
Say goodbye.

Make them laugh,
It comes so easy,
When you get to the part where your breakin' my heart,
Hide behind your smile,
All the world loves a clown.
Wish you well I cannot stay,
You deserve an award for the role that you play.

All the world is a stage,
And everyone has their part,
But how was I to know which way the story goes,
How was I supposed to know you'd break my heart.

You give your hand to me,
then you say goodbye.
I watch you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy.
I know you'll never know,
The one who loves you so,
Well, you don't know me.

[ jason ] | 1:35 am |

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance".)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my Dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing.)

Now the male perspective on the same issue:

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends. (You're ugly.)

[ jason ] | 1:47 am |

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

I feel so empty.

The subtlety of the very wise;
The flexibility of the child;
The sensitivity of the artist;
The understanding of the philosopher;
The acceptance of the saint;
The tolerance of the scholar;
And the fortitude of the certain.

I think I lack everything don't I?

Most girls just come and go, rarely will one stay long. Should I be naive or should I be fickle? Naive in the sense of holding on for every girl that comes along and fickle in the sense of letting go whenever I'm not in the mood for their bullshits.

I guess we'll never know.

We fall down to learn pick ourselves up. I screw up in everything for what reason? To be made an example of being a fool under the mercy of the heavens and fates?

I hate smiling just to pretend I'm not hurt.

Still, I wanna be remembered as the guy who always smiled, and the one who could always brighten your day; even when he couldn't brighten his own.

Because that's what I am; a free day-brightener-own-day-screwederer.

Not that I'm complaining. I still feel I've sinned when I think of the past. I just hate the job, that's all.

Maybe it's just karma. Make people happy even at the expense of your own happiness.

Well, I've come to the end of a depressing entry.

A little faith brightens a rainy day.

[ jason ] | 2:41 am |

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I feel so much like a casualty now. My legs hurt bad and my back too from Sunday's match. Tried running 6km yesterday for a warm-up but my legs hurt too bad after around 4-5km and I had to stop. Man.. I hope they recover by tomorrow so that I won't have another depressing performance. I've seriously lost that edge..

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do
Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you do

[ jason ] | 12:42 am |

Monday, October 10, 2005

Why does Goal look like an alternate version of my story? Munez's father sounded exactly like mine a few years back. The only difference was that I pretty much gave up.. Sigh. I was rather sad watching that movie. Reminded me of the times I quarrelled with my father over the same issues.

[ jason ] | 9:59 pm |

It was a tough match. We ran out 3-2 losers to unnecessary goals. I don't think we should single out individual faults that lead to the opponent scoring, after all we are a team and to put it frankly we did not play like one. It didn't help that the Muslims which formed bulk of the team were fasting. Oh well. At least I gave my all, running up and down the left flank for 90 minutes. I'm really pooped.

[ jason ] | 1:34 am |

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Somehow.. I do not have any confidence for the match later. I keep feeling that I'll screw up some way or another later.. Sigh. I just have to keep my concentration for the 90 minutes. Easier said than done though.

Sometimes I love you
Sometimes I don't
But I never ever
Never want to let you go
The road's not easy
But the feeling's strong
It's the little things that keep me holding on

[ jason ] | 2:46 am |

Friday, October 07, 2005

I can't play football anymore. I can't slice through defences like a knife slices through butter anymore. I can't shoot for nuts anymore. The ball is like a stranger to me now. Somebody shoot me and end my misery. :(

[ jason ] | 12:46 am |