Wednesday, September 29, 2004
If you play me like a substitute, please go away. I have my reasons to be paranoid.To be paranoid or too trusting? I'd rather be paranoid in this situation. Sigh.
I'll just play along for now. Life still s*cks pretty much. Where's my motivation and inspiration? Sigh. Even in soccer it's only stupid stuff I do like nutmegging people or doing neck-traps at the wrong time. Haha. Guess it's next year when I really can find my inspiration? Or have I found it? I don't know anymore...
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Wow. Miss Chew used my answers as a reference for the prelims' Social Studies source-based question's answer today. Has the sky fallen? Or maybe someone up there is mocking me for studying, albeit briefly, only for Social Studies.Anyways, happy Mid-autumn Festival to all.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Group Photo
The future looks bleak. I've pretty much screwed up my prelims. Guess its either go to a lousy JC or play football for the first 3 months. I'll probably pick the latter. My dreams are still with me.
The feeling of being at the bottom really s*cks. Think I should start studying.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Hey.. Need help. Anyone knows what's that song on tv that goes, "I can see the rainbow, see the rainbow.."? I find that song nice and calming. Thanks in advance! Happy Birthday Jun Zhang! It's 1.38 a.m. Sunday, so I guess it's officially your birthday. So, all the best for your future endeavours, especially with your sweetie. And oh, you can have sex legally now, you can play pool legally now, you can go to cybercafes before 6 p.m. now. Congratulations!Went to school at around 4 today. Played soccer until 7.30 when the DM chased us away. Didn't attend the Mid-autumn Festival concert. Instead we went to the Community Centre to play more football. Playing it at night is really a great feeling. Anyways there we played with some indians. Quite a good game, the opponents were pretty friendly. Scored a cheeky goal that sent everyone the wrong way.. Hehe.
After that we went to Chomp Chomp for supper. Man. Sugarcane rush! Haha. Drank it like crazy. But it was really nice. The "Cai Tau Kueh" was nice too. Then we went to take some photos before heading home. Unfortunately we took the wrong bus. Sigh. So the journey was significantly longer. Damn. Luckily I had someone to accompany me on the phone, otherwise I'd probably rot to death on the phone. Haha. Just put down the phone around twenty minutes before this entry to go bathe.
I'm damn tired. Think I'm sleeping soon.. I don't think I'd want to sleep at 3+ a.m. again..
[Edit] Just realised the blog has hit over 2500 in the counter!
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Just finished working out. Damn stoned now. Add to it lack of sleep. Add to it alcohol. Add to it 3 novels in 3 days. Damn. My brain is like sh*t now. Haha. Guess I'll be going to school for the Mid-autumn Festival thingy. Why? Just to "pillar" Jun Zhang. Heh.Oh. My FTP is down for some apparent reason, so no songs for now. Hooray.
[Edit] Fixed.
Friday, September 24, 2004
When two cultures clash, the loser is obliterated, and the writer writes the history books - books which glorify their own cause and disparage the conquered foe. As Napoleon once said, "What is history, but a fable agreed upon?"By its very nature, history is always a one-sided account.
Thus I propose to scrap history from our subjects!
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your prtner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
A good read and a good drink
Heh. I managed to purchase a couple bottles of Hooch through my mother. Thanks mom! Haha. Bought "The Da Vinci Code" and "5 People You Meet In Heaven" today. I read finish the "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". A pretty touching story. Gonna start on "The Da Vinci Code". Damn. At this rate I'm never gonna finish my homework. Screw homework and the humanities file I have to do. Sigh.
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
This Bon Jovi song is damn cool. Haha. But most of the time it's me who gives love a bad name.You Give Love a Bad Name
An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passion's a prison, you can't break free
You're a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done
Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love a bad name
Paint your smile on your lips
Blood red nails on your fingertips
A school boy's dream, you act so shy
Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye
You're a loaded gun
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done
Man. I feel damn f*cked up about my mathematics results. Just a bloody A2? Sigh. My Paper 2 utterly sucked. I got like 80+ for Paper 1 and 63 for Paper 2, which was pathetic. Sigh. Nevermind. Didn't do really well for the rest of the papers either. I think I failed my physics for sure.
Got scolded just now again. My phone bill, my not studying. It is so sickening. I was just like ignoring her. Can't she take a hint and stop it? Can't she just give up on me? I suck, thats it. After 10 years I still suck. Damn.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Bacardi Rum
Just back from watching the soccer match! It was a damn exciting match, with Cristiano Ronaldo on hot form. So you will have expected a really entertaining match with his skills and turns. Ryan Giggs and Wes Brown were trying to be him.. Haha.
Unfortunately, I didn't get drunk. I had only a small supply of alcohol so in the end it was really diluted with coke. Sigh. Nevermind. From the picture you can see that I have about a third of the rum left. Heh.
Walking home at almost 5 a.m. was a nice experience. The streets are empty and there is barely a soul around. It was as if I owned the roads. There were no cars and I was walking so freely, breathing the damn fresh air. It was so inspirational, like the quote, "Dream as if you will live forever; Live as if you will die tomorrow". I guess I sorted out a few feelings on the way home. One is that I should not feel sad, depressed or disheartened so much after losing people I have feelings for, one way or another. Experience has told me that time is the best healer, and due to my mostly superficial feelings, my pain and hurt goes away. But not in all cases. I can still admit that I have feelings for many girls I have liked in the past. But no, I probably won't pursue it further.
I think it's time to start a new chapter and stop living my life so depressed, always wanting to get drunk to forget everything. I don't really want to become an alcoholic and ruin my chances of a career in football, like many famous players.
But still, I want to get drunk today..
Monday, September 20, 2004
The prelim examinations are over! I think I screwed it up badly though. After the last paper I went to play soccer. It started raining. Nice timing. But I carried on and soon fell down. Now I have a damn wound. Sigh. After soccer was pool again. Payed like $8.90 to play almost four hours of pool. Guess it was reasonable.Going over to Terence's house to stay overnight later. Catching the Manchester United and Liverpool match. Gonna get drunk I hope. Hope John remember to bring the stuff. I wanna be free of all troubles, even for only moments.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
What a girl told a guyIf you see me walking the road with someone else it's not because I like his company.
It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time it's not because he pleases me.
It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat.
If you feel me falling with someone new it's not because I love him.
Because you're not there to catch me fall.
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere.
I too don't know where the road is going.
Are we gonna cross each other's path,
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had,
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk with him,
It's you I want to walk with.
Don't let me talk of him,
It's you I want to talk with.
Don't let me fall for him,
It's you I want to fall in love with.
The guy's reply
When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you,
I was behind you every step of the way,
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me.
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat,
I didn't want to assume anything,
And I was afraid to lose our friendship.
When you thought I wasn't there to catch you,
It was because you never gave me the chance.
You never reached the bottom,
you've already grabbed a branch.
If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost.
I too don't know where the road is going,
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other's path?
Will we just let go of what we had,
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don't let me walk alone,
I want to walk by your side.
Don't let me talk of something else,
It's you I want to talk with.
Don't let me fall for someone else,
It's you I want to fall in love with.
When I first saw you, I was afraid to talk to you.
When I first talked to you, I was afraid to hold you.
When I first held you, I was afraid to love you.
And never did I dare..
Sometimes love hurts, but if it doesn't then it isn't love.
Hold on to the person you love before they slip away.
Because you can never get them back.
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Beautiful song.. Sigh. A lonely man who lost his love through his indifference. A heart that cared that went unshared until it died in his silence. Profound and beautiful lines. Describes so many people. The lyric writer is really sweet. I've put up the better version online..Clay Aiken - Solitaire
There was a man
A lonely man
Who lost his love
Through his indifference
A heart that cared
That went unshared
Until it died
In his silence
Chorus
And solitaire it the only game in town
And every road that takes him takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
Another day
A lonely day
So much to say
That goes unspoken
And through the night
His sleepless nights
His eyes are closed
His heart is broken
Chorus
And solitaire it the only game in town
And every road that takes him takes him down
And by himself it's easy to pretend
She's coming back again
And keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always ends the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
A little hope
Goes up in smoke
Just how it goes
Goes without saying
Solitaire
And by himself it's easy to pretend
He'll never love again
Oh, and keeping to himself he plays the game
Without her love it always end the same
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire
Solitaire (2x) Went to play soccer in the morning! I'm pretty energised. Ran to NYJC as warm-up. There we played among ourselves and some attitude problem kid. Then some JC students challenged us so we took it on. The score in the end was 2-2. But I'm pretty sure we played better. We would have scored more if not for our finishing. The goal was barely big enough for the ball to squeeze through.. So we ended up hitting the post a few times. Especially me =(. My bicycle kick just missed the goal. So frustrating! Haha. I tried a few new stunts here and there like handstanding and trying to kick the ball? I saw that in a commercial where breakdancers were playing soccer. It's damn, damn, damn nice! And I tried out a new style of dribbling which I unfortunately failed at. Imagine using the wrong leg to dribble? It's like dribbling with your legs crossed. Haha. But if done well, it looks nice. I hope I can perfect it or something!
After that John and Soon Long came to my place. Poor John had nothing to do so he went to sleep. Me and Soon Long started playing Gunbound. Gunbound is damn boring for me. After all, I played like non-stop last year for a few months? I really grew sick of it, like Counter-Strike and Warcraft III. Not because I suck at those games. If I could remember I was pretty good at Counter-Strike. Too bad I grew out of it. I guess right now I'm left with soccer, bboying and pool.
Friday, September 17, 2004
Haha. Didn't really post a detailed post just now as I was sneaking on the computer. Now it's more ok so I'll try to type more.Back on pool. I played 9-ball just now and I won on my break! Haha. I hit the 9 ball in on my break. That's like so lucky. 17th September.. I'll remember this day.. Haha. And Poolitix is cheaper now.. Just $5 per hour on off-peak periods. Man.. It was almost double last time.
Sigh. I kinda got reminded of what I did in the past? Liking another person as just a substitute. I got reminded because I encountered one such situation tonight. Not me, but someone else. But I can't blame him. You've got to go through it to understand how it feels.
I'm trying really hard not to fall in love because I know when most men fall in love they make dumb promises that are never fulfilled. "I'll love you forever" is the classic example. =/. It's gonna take something big to make me say that now. Maybe even an "I love you". Sigh. Don't say it if you don't mean it, males and females included. I think if I say it nowadays I pretty much mean it? Hope so.
Gonna play soccer tomorrow. Hope for a good performance! A Maths was pretty hard! Argh. At least its all over.. Haha. So happy.
Went to play pool today. Was really so relaxed and happy. The bad news is that the 'O' Levels aren't over or even started. Learned to use the closed bridge way of shooting and I personally prefer that.
Well, tomorrow's gonna be a boring day I think. Sigh. At least there's nothing to study. Hehe. Everyone is asleep so I sneaked on the computer. Its officially Friday now, but take this as a post on Thursday? Today was chemistry and mathematics. Finished like one of the fastest in the whole level for both papers? Actually, for almost every paper I've taken. Its quite depressing to have loads of time left on the clock, and you look around and see people writing so hard. It's like, I'm done, and I look around and I think, "What's so much to write?" It's really, really depressing. Like chemistry. Had so much time left. Even went to the washroom. Sigh. Used only one piece of paper for Section B while people were like using two or three? Haha. I do hope its quality over quantity.
Tomorrow's A Maths Paper 2. Being the arrogant b*stard again, I did not touch it yet. I think I will look through the formulas later. Oh well. The prelims are like over for me. Heh. Going to pool tomorrow. Today's soccer sucked. I split my pants and after that was too self-conscious to play well. Argh.
Yea, Singapore Idol. Just as I expected, they had to let more people through. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I feel sad for that Jerry guy. It's like the judges way of telling him, you are just redundant and shouldn't have got in so we put another person through. Oh well. And wow. That Sylvester guy changed so much. Haha.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
As usual, did not do anything productive today. Was either sms-ing, sleeping, practising soccer or watching videos from ebaumsworld.com. A note of warning is that most videos are offensive as they are funny, and well, viewer discretion is advised. =) Haha. It's late and I'm still awake. Sigh. Gonna wake up in the afternoon later I guess. Well. Why did I blog anyway? Because I think I finally found back inspiration for soccer! Thank you videos! I just need to practise more. Being out of practice doesn't help much..Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Remember that song I uploaded on 11/9? Heres a flash movie for you to watch if you didn't understand it. Hey. Didn't post yesterday, but many interesting things happened! I got caught by Mr Lim for tucking out my shirt outside. What the f*ck. Has my school come to such a pathetic state that the staff are so free to patrol the neighbourhood? Man. Guess they are trying to create a culture of fear in the school. Pathetic b*stards. Thank god I'm leaving. Thanks for the memories. Granted, I was breaking the rules. But lay off for a while alright? It's after school and the weather was so damn hot. I know that's no excuse my behaviour, but I find it disgusting that the staff in my school do these kind of things just to catch us. Sadist. Escaped with a detention. That DM really "act seh". Can't stand him.And yea, the Maths paper really screwed us all up. Can't they set it in proper English? I'm not asking for the Queen's English but just make it at least understandable. I don't know of any boiling tubes that has a big gaping hole in it. Next time, just say the tube, or the upper part, or whatever. To me, boiling tube is the whole damn thing. That's ten marks gone.
Well, that's pretty much all that's interesting that happened. I think my mother's pretty p*ssed off at me playing so much during the prelims. Haha. Pool, soccer, sleep, rinse, repeat. And I looked at my childhood photos last night instead of studying for history. Loads of laughter.. Haha. I'm gonna screw up my studies at this rate.. Sigh.
Guess that's all for today. Tomorrow's free and I finally can enjoy some good sleep. Was so dizzy just now.
Haha. And my god sister saw me and my friends play soccer just now.
___`sOphiia x]]* ; wO huii xue xhe fang qii nii|shii yin weii wO taii aii nii| an jing| says:
but i saw 2 guys
___`sOphiia x]]* ; wO huii xue xhe fang qii nii|shii yin weii wO taii aii nii| an jing| says:
really good
___`sOphiia x]]* ; wO huii xue xhe fang qii nii|shii yin weii wO taii aii nii| an jing| says:
1 did break dance while playin'
___`sOphiia x]]* ; wO huii xue xhe fang qii nii|shii yin weii wO taii aii nii| an jing| says:
the other was lyk playin wit the other players...trickin dem or some sort
I know one of them is Qi Lin. I do hope the other is me! Haha...
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Oh yeah. There has been a spate of terrorist attacks recently. Sigh. Like I said, f*ck you terrorists. This song, Tears in Heaven, is out to the victims and their families. Haha. My parents went out so I'm here blogging. Well, seems like a number of people find my friendster profile interesting and start talking to me. Haha. What is so interesting? Haha. It is only the truth about how most guys are jerks. For your interest, I'll paste my profile here.I was born in Carbondale, Jackson IL in USA. Currently residing in Singapore.
My first love would be football. Still remember the day when I was still a small kid.. and kicking the ball for the first time. Somehow managed to kick it into a basketball hoop ;). Okok.. a kid's sized one.. which wasn't very tall.. but it was still nice. Loves freestyling in football.. Rather flashy when playing it too.. Which leads to me not being a very good player :(.
I'm someone, who's by nature a quiet person. But when I am in the mood to be lame, I'm noisy as hell and you would wish that I will shut up.
Dislikes studying. Not motivated to study. All I want to do for the rest of my life is to play football. Hates the extra lessons teachers always give. Yeah say I'm immature. Studies are your life choice, football is mine, so shut up.
Football is not play, it is a passion. Really wish for people to stop saying that I'm playful. I work hard for my football. Just because I have a different life choice doesn't mean that I am lazy.
My first relationship must be special, therefore I'm still waiting. I think I have lost faith in love. The day I stopped loving her was the day my heart stopped beating. I've changed a lot... Maybe too much. Alas, I'll probably not have the chance to love her again? Don't know when my heart will really start beating again ya? I guess I'm waiting for that someone to start it going again.. haha..
Why do I no longer believe in love? I promised one too many that I would love her forever, only to break that promise in the end. Why MUST they be broken? Why do feelings change? Why do I make empty promises only? I don't dare to fall in love again, because I don't wanna break another promise of love.
True love is eternal, Cherish love when you get the chance, Once it leaves you, It will be difficult to get it back, Don't let love only be a memory.
Everyday of my life. Could've been so beautiful. Could've been so right. But now I'll never know.
That's pretty much it. And to the people I've just met, nice to know ya! =)
Screwed my shoulders bboying. Sigh. The endless injuries! Well, just gotta perservere.
I think I got over my crush! Hell yeah!
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Oh yea. Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the 911 tradegy. My condolences and sympathy to all the victims of the disaster, and f*ck you terrorists. =). Alright, forget me not putting songs, this song is out to the victims. Changed my template. Hope it loads faster since I've removed the music for now. And there are less pictures. Went to watch The Terminal yesterday. Pretty touching movie, almost got me crying? Haha. Guess I'm at a low point right now. My vice-principal was in the same theatre. Purposely played the ringtone of my school song. But seems like she did not hear it. The film was basically a feel-good movie, however the ending was inadequate as Tom Hanks did not get Catherine Zeta-Jones after all. Aww =(.After that went to play pool again. I'm broke now. Really wasted my money as I did not really play to potential.
Damn bored. Have not studied during the holidays. My poor prelim results. =(.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Self-comforter: Jason, you don't need love to go on living.Jason: Umm, Kay.
F*CK. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT LIFE IS BORING. =S. Hmm.. Chanced upon this song. Very cute. I have 2503 songs at the moment, not including some on my brother's computer, and of course, have not listened to each and every one of them. But this oldie is pretty ok.
Venus In Blue Jeans
Jimmy Clanton
She's Venus in blue jeans
Mona Lisa with a pony tail
She's a walking talking work of art
She's the girl who stole my heart
My Venus in blue jeans
Is the Cinderella I adore
She's my very special angel too
A fairy tale come true
They say there's 7 wonders in the world
But what they say is out of date
There's more than 7 wonders in the world
I just met number 8
My Venus in blue jeans
Is everything I hoped she be
A teenage goddess from above
And she belongs to me
(repeat)
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
I s*ck. Haven't been studying. Probably skipping tomorrow's physics lessons. Anyways it's going to be a waste of time. I feel like the damn 'O's are already over. Sigh. EggsMonday, September 06, 2004
Hmm. I think this will be the first post on this blog on the emotional side of me. I just wrote a letter, apologising for my inaction and uncaring, which broke her heart. At first she was the one who was breaking the hearts. But after I won her heart I broke it. I s*ck. That is not the first time that it has happened. I'd rather not elaborate on it.Well, sometimes I think it is the memories of the times we spent together that is preserving whatever left of my feelings for her. Thinking back, the times I spent with her were really beautiful. Christmas, Valetines' Day, her birthday, going to the library, staying overnight at Pasir Ris and watching the sunrise, my birthday and getting lost at Geylang, going to the movies - some of those memories I don't think I will have chance to experience again. I really cherished the times we spent together. That is why I cannot totally let go of her. Yet.
Right now, people are coming in and out of my life. I don't know if I can trust myself to maintain a relationship at this stage of my life. I seriously don't. That is why I'm not pursuing anyone at the moment, even though there are a couple of girls pretty close to me. I really don't want to break anyone elses' heart and mine. I'm sure some of you out there are smirking, "That egoist idiot think he has the ability to break hearts? Yeah right." Well, f*ck off because I doubt you know me well enough to say that. I won't say I'm boyfriend material, but please don't feel that way. Because when I'm in love, I'm really am, and I try really hard. But when I'm not, I'm not.
Then again, life without a target really s*cks. Because I am so unambitious, I don't really have any targets in life except far-off ones like playing for Manchester United. Usually realistic (or unrealistic) ones would be winning some girl's heart. But I'm pessimistic about love and I don't believe in it now. I still don't know what true love is and I don't want to love for the sake of loving. Trust me, most of us at this age don't know what it is. I once thought I knew but I was wrong.
I don't know if I dare to fall again. Went to play pool again today. I must really stop playing it so much. It is burning a damn hole in my pocket. Sigh. =(.
I guess being positive and confident helps in pool, just like how it helps in soccer. Oh well. Wish it wasn't that expensive.
It's boring having no girl in mind. Heh.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Oh yah. Anyone read The New Paper today? I'm like laughing my socks off. Someone's suggesting that the Principals and other important staff in schools should be married with children. To quote the article,"A rough count in the Directory of Schools 2004 revealed that at least 63 out of more than 200 women principals in parimary and secondary schools were single, and at least 45 out of more than 180 women vice-principals were also single. There are more than 340 primary and secondary schools"
"Some principals are married to the school. They're single and in their late 40s or 50s. They don't want to go home because they have no family life."
There you have it. We're (students of ZHSS) so lucky to have the best of both worlds. Single leaders for us. Didn't manage to post yesterday because I was occupied the whole day. Went to school in the morning for the Open House. Didn't really see it, just went to the canteen. So many young girls wearing exposing clothes. =X. Makes me wonder if they are really Primary 6.
Went to play pool in the afternoon. Had dismal games. I must be stronger mentally. Sigh. Whenever I lose due to pretty much bad luck I just play anyhow the next few matches. Damn me.
Was on the phone almost the whole night, so didn't manage to post. Some girl called to help her desperate friend to ask me if I was interested in a girlfriend. ... She must be damn blind or something. Then after that another girl called so I told the other girl I had to go. But the phone conversation was a short one as she had to go off soon too. Then I called another person and talked till the wee hours of the morning. The beauty of holidays. Finally being able to talk on the phone without feeling real sleepy.
But the prelims are after the short break. Which sucks. This means I have to study during the holidays which I don't endorse at all because after all, it's the holidays.
Friday, September 03, 2004
Didn't come online for the past few days due to me not being allowed to use the computer.Went back to my Primary School on Tuesday. Nothing really eventful happened.
Got drunk on Wednesday when i took 5 shots of Gin. Not Gin tonic but Gin. In the end slept the whole day and rushed through studying of my geography paper 2 after midnight.
Was stoned on Thursday due to lack of sleep. After the paper, I went to play pool and then had LAN Gaming. Pool was fun, but sadly I lost a few times. That was only my 2nd time playing, but I really didn't want to lose.. Haha. Nevermind. Shall practise how to hold the cue stick properly the next few times I play pool, and learn how to shoot draw and follow shots properly. Then trashed some Secondary 1s in soccer.
Failed Physics practical today. I hate physics.
