but every superman has his kryptonite.

Friday, December 31, 2004

Cheers to the last day of 2004. Pretty sad that this year's gonna end so soon. The memories were so beautiful. Heh.

Guess I learned many things this year, here's a list:

1. Chatting up girls on the phone.
2. Wooing a girl seriously.
3. How piercing a ear feels like.
4. How dyeing/bleaching your hair feels like.
5. How I miss my schoolmates, the teachers and the memories.
6. Elastico! AKA the flip-flap.
7. How a kiss feels. HAH.
8. How having someone to care for and to hold feels so nice. HEH.
9. How being broke so often feels like.
10. How boring is it to be cooped up in a office.
11. How bad you feel when you earn money for working for such a short while. But hey, it required skills!
12. How being constantly on the run from the Form Teacher who will kill you if she spots you playing football feels like.
13. How great cutting classes is. Heh.
14. And also appearing super late for classes and getting nary a reprimand. =X
15. And how nice sleeping on the table is.
16. Folding straw hearts.
17. Giving Christmas presents.
18. Eating extremely lots at buffets. (Around 10-20 pieces of chicken, beef & lamb, followed by lots of sashimi, then around 20 pieces of fruits, washed down by several cups of green tea.)
19. Jellyfish doesn't taste so bad. So does mussels.
20. How I think I got my retribution recently.
21. Knowledge about the world from cartoons! (aka South Park, The Simpsons, and more recently, Drawn Together.)
22. How those mentioned cartoons gave me so much happiness.
23. How being desperate is not good.
24. Going on the IRC to look for girls is terrible.
25. How I must approach and woo a girl with sincerity, maybe using more traditional means. (aka no online chats, sms.)
26. How sad the tradegies are. (aka the Bird Flu, Tsunami, etc.)
27. How I am lucky not to be caught up in them.
28. How beautiful football is.
29. How physical and untechnical Singapore football is.
30. The Singapore Lions have potential if they are hungry for success.
31. I have almost forgotten how being on the plane feels like.
32. How insecure I actually am.
33. How great my friends are.
34. I actually love my family a lot.
35. I can't let football go.
36. I still feel for her.
37. Sometimes I fall too easily.
38. I'm really sorry to Sarah, & everyone else I have let down.

Ok. Lets leave it at 38. I think it's a lucky number. So yea. Good luck to me and all for 2005!!

Hope I don't spend this day boringly, and unfulfillingly. Sigh. Cheers. =)

[ jason ] | 1:00 am |

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

If you go away on this summer's day,

You might as well take the sun away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a day,

Like no day has been, or will be again.

But if you go away, I'll understand,

Just leave me enough love to fill up my hand.

If you go away, you must tell the world to stop turning,

Till you return again, if you ever do,

For what good is love without loving you?

Can I tell you now, as you turn to go,

I'll be dying slowly till the next hello?

But if you stay, I'll make you a night,

Like no night has been, or will be again.

I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch,

I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much.

But if you go, I won't cry,

Though the good is gone from my world goodbye.

If you go away, there is nothing left in this world to trust,

Just an empty room, an empty space.

I can't take history repeating itself.

http://mychristmasdreamgirl.blogspot.com/

[ jason ] | 11:23 pm |

Hmm.. Just caught National Treasure with Jin Shu today. For those who didn't know, yeah, thats my old flame. But don't look too much into it. Things are a little bit too complicated and I really don't know what to say now.

Just watched the Singapore and Myanmar match at Terence's house. Singapore played well... But the referee really s*cked. What a fag. Oh well. At least Singapore still won 4-3.

I'm missing you even though you're right here by my side,
Because lately it seems the distance between us is growing too wide.

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over.
It's the last thing that I wanna hear.

But if your heart's not in it for real,
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel.
If love's already gone,
It's not fair to lead me on.
Cause I would give the whole world for you,
Anything you ask of me, I'd do.
But I won't ask you to stay,
I'd rather walk away,
If your heart's not in it.

You say that you love me,
But sometimes you're just saying the words.
If you've got something to tell me,
Don't keep it inside, let it be heard.

I can take anything that's the whole truth. Sigh.

[ jason ] | 9:54 pm |

Monday, December 27, 2004

So tired! Out from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. with less than the required 8 hours of sleep I need every night last night. (So many 8s.. Hope it brings luck.. Heh.) Went to play soccer in school in the morning. The Operations Manager was at the gate and we couldn't get in because of our coloured hair. Luckily, he went opposite the school for some reason and we ran into the school. Lucky us. I wouldn't know how long we could have waited. The games were ok. My first soccer session after my back injury, which coincidentally, is not yet fully recovered.

After soccer I went to get a hair-cut, before going to town to get Christmas gifts for people I owed them to. While I was at HMV, Jin Shu suddenly texted me and asked me if I wanted to come out. Since she was at Plaza Singapura, which was convenient for me to go home from, I went to meet her. Stayed with her till about 7+ p.m. and reached home at about 8 p.m.

Woah. This post seems so boring. Bleah.

[ jason ] | 11:59 pm |

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Christmas' over! Happy Boxing day..

Well, spent my whole Christmas at home! So interesting... Hah. Spent most of my time killing people in Vice City. Irony? Perhaps.

Didn't know my knowledge of Christmas was good enough to help my brother win some Christmas trivia event in Ragnarok Online. Heh. Maybe it's because the rest of them weren't good? Haha.

Just finished watching "Para Para Sakura". Really sweet. Imagine finding the only colour in your drab life. The light of your life? Haha. Sigh.

She Freak'in Blocked Me - Funny!!

[ jason ] | 1:11 am |

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas!!! Peace to all.

I wish for world peace, health and everything for my family and friends, and yea, stupid cupid, please don't evade me anymore. ;)

[ jason ] | 12:00 am |

Friday, December 24, 2004

Hmm.. Yep. Christmas' coming in a while. If you want to hear how "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" sounds like, click on that link. Just be patient and wait for the dialogue to finish. Sounds so innocent when sung by a kid. Heh.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

[ jason ] | 11:48 pm |

Consumerism has ruined Christmas.. Somehow people (namely me) are thinking that being single on Christmas is a badddd thing. Well, I've had this feeling, like, forever. But this year I'm not going to let it affect me!! After all, even though I am not a Christian, I know enough that Christmas should be a time of giving and sharing and spending time with your family. So don't be sad if you're not out with a special someone on that day. Just relish the chance to spend time with your family. Remember, not everyone has that chance. So, Jun Zhang, you failed in making me miserable. Heh.

I love you all. Enjoy this song, "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid. Cheers!!

[ jason ] | 1:06 am |

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Just back from watching Kung Fu Hustle. Really funny show. Go catch it if you're free. I'm so shagged now, and there's work tomorrow. Hope my father actually pays me... Otherwise if there's a date (highly unlikely) or something I can't afford it. Haha.

[ jason ] | 1:25 am |

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Tonight you're mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sigh?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You'll say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

I need to know
Will you still love me tomorrow?

[ jason ] | 2:15 am |

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

"Love is a universal migraine. A bright stain on the vision blotting out all reason."

Forget who I quoted this from, but I saw this in a book "Love Stinks" in the Times bookstore. Haha.

Went with Junzhang to look for Christmas gifts today. I didn't get gifts, only Junzhang did, because I am one poor person. After that I went to have dinner with my dad, his colleagues and his customers. Really full now. I hate to eat so much. Sigh.

[ jason ] | 9:33 pm |

Monday, December 20, 2004

F*ck. I feel damn weak. Can't even walk properly. Serves me right for ignoring the signs. It was already hurting badly these few days yet I still exerted myself Saturday and today. Well, I guess I'm still a kid. Hope no one hurts their backs. It s*cks.

[ jason ] | 10:19 pm |

Just back from the chiropractor. Haha. He scolded me! I was slouching in the seat while waiting. Damn. But well, just took it in a good way, because my back really hurt. Haha. Didn't want to p*ss off the guy who was probably going to cure me. But I was really, really tired.

Woke at 6.30 a.m. today. Was supposed to get the temporary black dye from Jueling, but when I reached there at 7.30 a.m. she was still asleep and my attempts to wake her up by calling her handphone probably failed. So I just went in to NYJC with my dyed hair. The parents and students appealing to NYJC too must be thinking how the hell someone like this (aka me) can actually get into a JC. I was really sloppy and all, being tired and shagged from the match. Haha. Luckily there was no interview or whatever, because I'd probably give a very bad impression. Oh well. Football ranks above all in my life. Hahaha.

If I fail to get in, my parents will probably drag me to the principal to ask for me to get in. Haha. Let's just pray for now.

[ jason ] | 7:37 pm |

Well, had a match with a team from Victoria today. I'll just take the score from the first half, 6-0 to us. I'm proud of the team from the first half. We played really well, we were organised and we played fair. But during the second half, all hell broke loose. My teammate spoiled the game for us with a really, really bad two-footed tackle which got everyone tensed up. The game could not continue as well after that. Furthermore, members of my team had to leave after the first half. So it was really not a reliable scoreline to take note of.

I can't say I played well. I think it was because of my back injury. I can't really run or lift up my legs. I think I'm going have to see a chiropractor later. I scored two goals. Seriously I could have scored more but I got too cheeky. Haha. I dribbled past the defence and just had the keeper to beat. But I chose to wait for him to come out so I could chip (Example) the ball nicely over him into the goal. But when I waited, the other defenders caught up with me and I wasn't able to chip the ball. Haha. I guess I must stop doing such flashy stuff. The first goal was a light, delicate chip (Chip again.. Damn me. -_-) that came in off the post. The second one was rounding the keeper and then tapping the ball into an empty net. Pretty much run-of-the-mill goal.

After the match I went to appeal for a transfer to NYJC. If I'm successful, I would get a phone call. So I really, really am hoping that I'll get that (elusive) phone call. If not, it's time to work for me...

[ jason ] | 4:04 pm |

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Christmas is coming. Which means the New Year is about to come. So, as usual, people are putting Christmas songs in their blogs. So, as usual, I'm going to be a jerk and be different. I'm putting a song about being lonely during a festival. Heh. Enjoy "Ji Mo De Ji Jie" (Lonely festival) by David Tao for the time being. I guess it's dedicated to all singles out there (aka me) who have no dates for Christmas and the New Year celebrations.

But hey, I'm not counting on being alone during the festivities because I'll try my best to not be alone. ;)

[ jason ] | 7:27 pm |

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Had a football match today. The team I played for got trashed by some team with players from the Prime League. I guess not all's bad. The coach said that the players had not have trained since September, and that it was expected that they lose to a team that has trained together for three years. I came on for a team I have seen only for the first time today in the second half, playing an attacking midfielder role. Well, did not get the ball from my teammates too often, I guess it was because it was the first time they were playing with me and vice versa, and chose to pass to people they trusted more. Had a few touches and made a few passes here and there, before the coach put me back to defend. I guess I did not do too badly, as the opponent fired blanks. I was able to nutmeg (put the ball through the opponent's legs aka that Nike advertisement) one of their strikers. Pretty risky move, considering I was the last defender left. But well, I did it. Heh.

Still, the match was an eye-opener for me. It was really physical and it was as if the teams hated each other to the core (which was not true). I guess I just have to adapt to their styles. Thankfully I have weight, so when most of them try to push me off the ball they fall instead. Haha.

I hope I have good memories in the years to come for football.. There's probably another match on Monday.

[ jason ] | 8:08 pm |

Friday, December 17, 2004

I think I'm going to try my best to appeal to be transferred to Nanyang Junior College. Seems like no one from my school that I know is going to Catholic Junior College with the exception of Jialing. That is pathetic.

So I guess there's a checklist of things I have to do on the day I appeal:
-Use temporary black dye.
-Wear my spectacles.
-Comb a side parting.
-Act decent.

Oh, the horrors.

[ jason ] | 9:12 pm |

I attempted to watch the sunrise this morning. The last time I did so was in March, when it really rised from behind Pulau Ubin. But this time round it rised from behind the ships. Which meant that I pretty much couldn't see any sh*t. But that's not the point. I got to enjoy the tranquil and serenity of the beach. Because I was... Unfortunately or fortunately... Alone.

I guess it was fortunate. Because my wanting and attempt to watch the sunrise even when no one was willing to accompany me still showed that I retained the romantic aspect of myself I always thought I had lost. The part of me which believed in love which I thought I have lost. Maybe from this morning I have regained a little bit of faith in love.

That is why from that, I've realised that I've not been me during these several months. I don't know what happened, I can't remember, but I know that I lost faith in love. And then I started flirting & playing around. I know I don't have much credentials to say I can flirt and all that, but I did. Haha. It really sounds like I'm making a confession now. But it's something I really feel that I must do.

Lets call those few months the "period where Jason was really lost", or "PWJWRL". During these few months I was literally juggling girls around. Typing all these makes me feel like a bast*rd. But lets go on. I could chat up three girls in a night in a school night. Sigh. Saying things I didn't mean, talking so sweetly and feeling nothing at all. Yea. Normally when you talk to a person you really like there's this warm feeling in your chest. But talking to them was like something I did for the sake of doing. Something I did for fun. Never was feelings involved on my part.

It was not a bad experience at first. But it soon took a toll on me. Girls would call me and I had to ignore their calls. I felt really bad. I even had to lie and give excuses about my not being able to pick up their calls. Sigh. The worst part was that I was losing sleep and all, because their calls & messages tended to come during times when I was sleeping. I'm just one big fat jerk as*.

Because of that, I grew paranoid. There was once when a number which I never saw before send me a text message. Since it contained elements of love, I went to call the number because I was interested to find out who it was. It turned out to be a girl I was avoiding with the lame excuse of a spoilt mobile phone. Bah. Since then I never picked up calls from numbers I did not recognise. That in my humble opinion is really, really paranoid of me.

I don't want to live in that constant fear anymore. That is why I've decided to let nature take its course, and slowly stop using insecure and insincere ways of approaching and making advances to females. I think it's time to stop using Friendster to blatantly look for girls or something I started more recently, using the IRC to look for girls in those desperation channels. It's time to respect myself, and be respectful towards the opposite sex, and time to stop playing around with them.

During PWJWRL it was not that I never did develop feelings for any one of my "prospects" then. I did. But in the end I realised I got played and was something of that "love-on-the-rebound guy" in that girl's eyes. That is why today I'm extremely wary of developing feelings for anyone, no matter what. It is difficult for me to fall in love. It needs something more for me to fall now.

Maybe it was me getting played that fuelled my resentment towards love, that fuelled my desperation, that fuelled my bast*rd-like acts.

This where I have to make an apology to a person, Sarah. Last night it was my friend using my phone to call you back after you called me. That is seriously very an asinine act by me, looking back. But I am sorry. I just can't fall in love through phone calls or text messages. It needs more of a spark. I think it's better you forget me totally. I'm just one big fat bast*rd. I don't know. But when you asked me to say I loved you I always changed the subject. I tried... But I couldn't lay out the truth. I'm really sorry.

To end this post off, I have to thank the tranquil beach and the beautiful sunrise that I did not get to see clearly for helping me see clearly my mistakes. This song, "Pei Wo Kan Ri Chu" (Accompanying me to see the sunrise) by Joi Cai is dedicated to you non-living things. You all were like the girlfriend that was not by my side while watching the sunrise which I couldn't really see. To quote that song, "Sui ran yi ge ran, wo bing bu gu dan, zai xin zhong ni pei wo kan mei yi ge ri chu." (Even though I was alone, I wasn't lonely, in my heart you were with me watching every sunrise.)

I really do want to fall in love again. Even if it may be difficult for me to do so. I'm human after all. I need someone to love and care for, and vice versa.

Flame me all you want. The tag-board's on your left.

[ jason ] | 2:00 pm |

I got into Catholic Junior College's arts stream. That probably shows how pathetic my prelim results are. Haha.

[ jason ] | 10:23 am |

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Today's gathering was fun. Was cool to see many of my Primary School classmates after so many years. Some of them changed so much. Heh.

Going to a chalet later. Having buffet again tomorrow. Two buffets in a row after today's Seoul Garden lunch. Doubt I'll eat much dinner later. On Saturday there's a football match, followed by another match on Monday. I am so shagged.

[ jason ] | 7:09 pm |

Argh. I don't wanna give myself any excuses for my poor performance today (Er.. Wednesday). Even though my back hurts like sh*t when I run and I didn't get much sleep, I don't want to use them as excuses. Sigh.

I need to regain my confidence back. Fast. There's a match on Saturday. And Monday. Hopefully we can get people to support us on Monday.

[ jason ] | 1:25 am |

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Argh. I'm shagged again. Slept at 3 a.m. last night after a phone call. Then I got woken up at 8 a.m. by my maid. Damn. For those who don't know, I really need my 8 hours of sleep. Otherwise I look stoned and can't concentrate on anything. Haha.

Went to play pool with Jueling, Daniel & Tracy. Sorta like a "YZPS" kinda gathering. Haha. Didn't play as well as last Saturday against Soon Long. Haha. Maybe Daniel's mind games got the better of me. For those who don't know, Daniel sings and dances in front of the hole you're aiming at. Haha.

Played for around three hours. After that we went back to Plaza Singapura for a while. Daniel & Tracy then disappeared to some place while me & Jueling took neoprints before going home. I'm really, really shagged.

Hope everyone turns up punctually tomorrow.

[ jason ] | 8:53 pm |

Saturday, December 11, 2004

The damned rain had to ruin everything. Thanks a lot, Mr Whoever-hell-controls-the-damned-weather-these-days. Bought a pair of Mercurial Vapour in the morning. Sorta regretted the colour choice, it was black. I asked for a black pair but the guy said he had no more left in stock. I saw the metallic blue pair was nice, albeit flashy. So I asked for it. In the end he gave me a black pair. Argh. I guess it's my phobia for flashy boots. Back then, in Primary 6, I received pretty much stick for my silver R9 boots. Heh. Oh well. What's done is done.

Instead of training, me and Soon Long headed for pool. Nice games, real relaxing. But it was tense when we realised the weekend charges were almost double. =X.

[ jason ] | 8:00 pm |

Friday, December 10, 2004

I guess tomorrow's going to be the day I break out of my comfort zone for football. Probably going to train with a semi-professional team after an invitation from my friend. Been hearing how good the players in the team are, and honestly I'm afraid. I've never really seen the real standard of players in this country, so I don't know where I stand. I guess it's my phobia of maybe realising that I actually s*ck.

But nevermind. I'm gonna get out of this damn comfort zone and try my best. Who knows, maybe tomorrow it's Singapore, the day after could be Asia and one day the World. Heh.

After all, the brave do not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.

[ jason ] | 4:23 pm |

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I'm so drained. I had insomnia and got to sleep only at six in the morning today. I woke at almost eight for football in school. Man. The administration is as an*l as ever. Miss Loo was like nagging us. So I guess the school doesn't consider us to be part of them anymore. Oh well.

Played in the field for almost 40 minutes I guess. Most of them had no drive to play and were pretty much slacking. So it was pretty boring and even though we won, it wasn't that fulfilling. After that some of us went to play at the street soccer court at the Community Centre. It was much more fun there, even though we were all dead tired. Now my legs are extremely sore.

At least I gained back some confidence and motivation to train from today's session. Football is so damn beautiful.

[ jason ] | 10:00 pm |

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Yay. My broadband is back. It's back to album downloading to fill up my iPod Mini! I'm obsessed with it now. Hah.

Yup, like the song says, one way or another, I'm gonna find and get my kawaii girl! >_<.

I sound so... desperate.

Please. I am not.

[ jason ] | 9:54 pm |

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Drats. My DSL is down. I'm using this crappy 56k connection to blog. Sigh. At least I got an iPod Mini from signing up for the SingNet 1500kbps plan. Heh. It rocks.

Dial-up is not cheap, so I shall stop here.

[ jason ] | 2:44 am |

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Prom photo album up!

See it here.

More pictures will be posted when I get them.

[ jason ] | 11:07 pm |

Just back from the prom! It really rocked. I went to dye my hair today. At first it was pretty dark with purple highlights, but the lady who did it for me lightened it until it became pretty much orange-brown. Wonder how I am going to explain this to my dad. I guess I will worry about that later. Much later!

The evening started slowly. Was taking pictures with cute & pretty girls, and my other friends/cliques. Hopefully I'll get the pictures and maybe post them here. After editing out my zit. Haha. It really s*cks to prepare so much and then a zit pops out prominently on your face. Not that it makes it any worse. =X.

The food was okay. Tried jellyfish for the first time although during dinners with my family it was often ordered. Don't know why, but I just felt like doing it. After that was the Prom King and Prom Queen thingy. A segment was for the participants to propose to their partner. It was really sweet, especially Tok Tong & Mei Fang. Hehe. If it was me, I'd sing "Growing Old With You" by Adam Sandler in the movie "The Wedding Singer" to propose. Heh.

Dancing was next. I was dragged on the stage. We literally tore up the dancefloor. It was exhausting. Dancing (aka Jumping Around Aimlessly) for like more than an hour was really a killer. It was crazy. We were all crazy. We carried people around. We jumped around. We screamed our lungs out. Man.

I love you guys. Good luck for everything. As again, my shout-outs are here.

[ jason ] | 1:57 am |